South Ayrshire Multi Agency Partnership
Information For Workers
Why Do Women Stay?
A woman might stay in an abusive relationship because she:
- wants the relationship to work and hopes her partner will change and the abuse will
end
- still loves the man - it's the abuse she doesn't want
- feels it's her duty to help the man overcome his violence
- feels guilty, embarrassed or responsible for the abuse
- has low self esteem and self confidence as a result of the abuse
- wants to keep the family together for the children's sake
- is worried about coping on her own
- wants to stay in her own community
- fears she (and her children) may have to uproot and leave the area
- is worried about what kind of home/neighbourhood she will end up in
- fears her partner will take revenge if she leaves
- doesn't know what options are available to her
- services may be inappropriate and inaccessible
- is convinced he will find her wherever she goes
- is concerned she won't be able to keep her children
- may have strong cultural or religious pressures to keep the family together
- doesn't have supportive friends or relatives, perhaps as a result of the abuser's
strategies to isolate her
- has a drug or alcohol addiction and thinks it may be difficult to find a support
organisation who can help her
- has no financial independence so the cost of getting away might be prohibitive
- is a disabled woman and may have to find the cost of a carer
- may be being kept prisoner in her own home
- believes it may be the safest option available to her and her children
Abuse is not a problem the victim can correct.
It is a problem that only the abuser can fix…
Or that society can work to protect the victim from.
Fear of a punitive Social Work response may prevent women from seeking help for
themselves and their children when they most need it and so place themselves at
risk.
A woman cannot protect her child if she is not protected, but if she asks for protection
for herself, her child(ren) may be removed. A non women-blaming attitude is undoubtedly
one of the most effective tools you can equip yourself with when supporting Children
& Young People who have experienced Domestic Abuse.
Mothers may be reluctant to admit the abuse of children has occurred due to:
- fear that her children will be taken from her, regardless of who did the abusing.
- fear of repercussions from the abuser
- fear of being seen as having failed as a parent
- fear of being unable to retrieve the relationship