South Ayrshire Multi Agency Partnership

Information For Workers

Response To Children and Young People

Self-esteem is a powerful human need. It is a basic human need that makes an essential contribution to the life process, it is indispensable to normal and healthy development: it has survival value.
Dr Nathaniel Branden

The language we use when talking to children and young people (CYP) can have a huge impact on how they relate to us as individuals and to other adults.

Our use of inappropriate language in the context of supposedly supporting the needs of CYP can never be justified.

As the adult in the room, our need to get our point across should not be at the expense of a CYP's self worth.

At times we are ALL guilty of using negative phraseology when talking to CYP and we should consider the power of our words eg "the trouble with you is..." or "you're wasting everyone's time..."

Traumatic life experiences aren't the only factor in determining effects on a CYP's mental health - the way we support CYP through their experiences plays a substantial role in the consequential future outcome.

An encouraging adult	An inhibiting adult
allows time	is inattentive
values creative ideas	is authoritarian
encourages play	is pessimistic
uses open-ended questions	promotes dependence
sees learning in mistakes	is critical
is available for help	is disapproving
deals as an equal	acts as superior
speculates along with	makes fun of
follows child's interests	predetermines response
accepts child's decisions	rejects new ideas
focuses on child's thinking	imposes decisions
defers judgement	limits time
stresses independence	maintains fixed routines
is optimistic about outcomes	devalues suggestions
actively listens	domineers
shows real interest	interrupts
assumes it can be done	is impatient
shares the risks	cross examines
challenges the child to try ideas	gives no feedback
is available	lacks interest

PDF of Possible Effects of Domestic Abuse on Children and Young People.