South Ayrshire Multi Agency Partnership

Information For Workers

Response To Disclosure

A positive approach

Be aware that you, whatever your role within your workplace, could be the first point of contact for a woman who is seeking help and support because of violence against women. Your role could be vital. Any woman can suffer gender-based violence; this means any of the women you encounter through your work, including your colleagues.

To support a woman:

• Believe what she is saying and let her know you do. Be aware that your role places you in a position of power, which may make it difficult for a woman to talk to you about her situation.
• Listen to what she is saying. Show that you are interested and concerned. Don't collude in the effects of abuse by seeing her as less than you see yourself or other women.
• Give her time to talk and don't rush her to make decisions. Remember, many women feel they had no choices. Don't put any pressure on her to do anything that she isn't ready to do.
• It is important to be aware of your own feelings when you are listening to or talking to a woman. You may feel shocked at some of the details. If you show you are distressed, horrified or disgusted by what a woman tells you, it may put her off talking to you.
• Be careful not to seem to pass judgment or blame the woman for her situation. Don't ask her to justify her actions eg "Why on earth did you go back to him?" Accept that she will have had her reasons for making any such decision.
• Ask her about her safety. Ask "Is it safe to go home?" Help her to look at what she might be able to do to feel safer. She might want to look at planning for an emergency by gathering information and preparing for a time when she may feel the need to get help.
• Take her fears seriously - remember she knows her situation better than you do.
• Let her know in advance if you will be unable to keep what she tells you in confidence.
• Respect her autonomy and her decisions. Don't make assumptions about what she might want or need. Put aside your own feelings when you believe she is making choices that are not in her interest or that you disagree with.
• Check whether it is safe to contact her at her home address. If not, identify a way of communicating with her that will not endanger her.
• Encourage her to recognise and build on her strengths. Remember that gender-based violence is damaging to women's self esteem and sense of self worth. This is likely to make it difficult for her to recognise the potential she has to make changes for herself and her children.
• Do not make promises or raise expectations that you cannot deliver. There will be limits to what you can and can't do and how much time you have. Do not try to offer information that you are not sure of eg legal issues. Where possible, assist the woman to access information for herself. If this is not possible or appropriate, offer to find out information for her.
• Tell her that she has rights and that everyone has the right to safety and respect. No-one has the right to abuse another person.
• If the woman does not want to get further help, then it is important that you respect this. There are many reasons why a woman might stay in an abusive relationship.
• She may not be ready to take any actions or make decisions at the moment, but she will need to know that someone will be there to support her when she does feel able to make choices.
• Don't be tempted to take over and do everything for her - she needs to be able to take control of her own situation.
• No matter how many times you talk to her, always offer her the same respect and support.