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Click here for the South Ayrshire Domestic Abuse Website

Women Against Domestic Abuse

Does the man you live with ill treat you

• He may be your husband or you may live together.
• The violence may be physical, mental, sexual or all three.

Are you an abused woman?
Does the man consistently do any of the following?

• Ignore your feelings
• Ridicule your beliefs
• Humiliate you in public or private
• Complain about you having your own friends/interests
• Turn the children against you
• Insist you dress differently
• Criticise you sexually
• Force you to have sex with him
• Push or shove you
• Hit or punch you
• Throw objects at you
• Threaten or hurt you with a weapon.

What can you do?
You don’t have to suffer in silence. You neither deserve such abuse nor do you have to put up with it. No one does. It is not your fault if the man is abusing you and you are not to blame.

The things he says about you are not true – try not to let them get to you.
If you have been physically abused?

1. Call the police immediately. If there were any witnesses, ask if they’ll make a statement.
2. Get medical attention even if the injuries or bruising appear slight.
3. Contact Women’s Aid (see overleaf)

Some ideas about how you can help yourself
If you’re not sure about whether to leave home or not

• Remember that your needs are as important as anyone else’s
• List the things the man does which make you feel good and the things that make you feel bad. Compare the lists. This might help you decide what you want to do
• Contact Women’s Aid and talk things over with us.

Other practical suggestions
You can:

• apply to the court for interim custody so that the man cannot legally take the children from you
• apply to the court to have the man put out of the house (evens if he owns it or it is in his name
• apply to the court for an interdict to stop him beating, harassing, frightening you or your children
• apply for a new house from the council if you are planning to leave home as a result of the violence
• think about whether you want to try and sort things out with him. If so speak to Women’s Aid or we can put you in touch with people who might be able to help
• claim social security money for you and you children if you have no job or are on a low income. You will also get free legal help.

How can Women’s Aid help?
If you are in any way worried, Women’s Aid can help. There are Women’s Aid groups based all over Scotland. We are ordinary women who are concerned about domestic violence – many of us have personal experience of it.

Women’s Aid Supports Children and Young People!
Women’s Aid recognises the traumatic effects on children and young people of the living with, and leaving, Domestic Abuse. Every group in Women’s Aid has a commitment to working with children and supporting them in what they are going though.

We recognise that children need to talk and have someone who will listen and support them, and help them make sense of what has happened.

We can offer
24 hour support & information

• if you want to talk to someone
• if you need information about your rights (legal, housing, money)
• if it’s an emergency and you need urgent help

A safe place to Stay
Women’s Aid runs refuges:
safe houses where you can stay with your children.
They are not like hostels or institutions and you can have your own say about what goes on.

You can:

• bring your children
• stay as long as you need to
• come back to a refuge as often as you want
• come back for a break, time to think or a breathing space
• live in safety (addresses are kept secret and you can stay in a refuge in another
• part of the country if you’re too frightened to stay in your own area)
• gain friendship and support from the other women living there
• give the children time to get over the bad experiences that they may have been through

We also

• help to make arrangements with schools and nurseries
• help the children settle in
• have refuges for black and ethnic minority women
• try to make provision for disabled women.

How do you contact Women’s Aid?
Where ever you live in Scotland you can contact Women’s Aid either by ‘phoning one of the numbers on the back of this leaflet or by contacting the police, your health visitor, the social work department of the Citizens Advice Bureau.

What then?

• Our aim is to help you help yourself. If you want to we will listen.
• If you want to find out where you stand legally we will give you information.
• If you need to get away we will try to find you a refuge space.
• We will treat everything you say in confidence and will no try to tell you what to do.

Some ideas for emergencies

1. Think about how you would escape. Get the help of your neighbour or friends if you can.
2. Put money aside for taxis, bus fares or telephone calls.
3. Try to have your Child Benefit book, your rent book and if possible other certificates (e.g. marriage, birth certificates) handy to take with you.
4. You might need to leave quickly – keep some clothes ready for you and the children (perhaps at a friends house). Your children might also want to bring a small favourite toy.
5. Keep a key to your home.
6. Keep the telephone numbers of your nearest Women’s Aid Group, the Police, Samaritans and Social Work handy. Have a pen and paper for the phone.

WOMEN’S AID is there for you and your children.
Call us for Refuge, Information and Support.